Breathe Peace

This is one of those blog entries that I don't really know how to start. I have so much to say and then when I sit down, it seems every single one of those thoughts that I have gathered throughout the last few days just makes a mad dash out of my left ear lobe. I have been so overwhelmed with things going on around me this past week and my heart is filled heavily with so many thoughts. But let me first say this: I cannot even begin to imagine how I, being so small and so flawed, can be loved the way that God loves me. Many times I feel as though I don't deserve the grace and the unconditional forgiveness that He has shown me. I am surrounded by people who are in so much pain and who are struggling with things I couldn't even begin to imagine struggling with.

Attending church this past Sunday at IBC and listening to Pastor Andy's message, it was only natural to put myself in the tattered shoes of those who are grieving or who have grieved after facing tremendous loss or unwelcome challenge. And it allowed me to look at my own challenges the way that God wants me to.

We have unexplainable events of pointless terror that strike us as a nation. We have lost idols and heroes and Hollywood icons. We have all been saddened by loss, illness, or conflict in our own individual lives. In this past week alone I have, like everyone else, anticipated what I might hear next as I turn on the television. Earlier in the week, I learned that a friend's young sister-in-law was hospitalized after a stroke and was fighting against two blood clots in her lungs and one in her brain. The next day, I witnessed another friend reaching out for prayers as her dear friend grieved the loss of her husband to a freak diving accident. The next day after that, another friend's son learned that his 12 year old best friend was hospitalized after a tumor was found on his spine. On Sunday, I sat in church and heard our lead pastor announce that he for 8 days thought he may have cancer. Following that statement, he shared with us that one of our associate pastors just lost his beautiful and vibrant sister to cancer's rage. It has been all around me.

How can we explain this? How can I explain things like this to my daughter if I can't even explain it to myself? I remember when Ava was a little over a week old and she was sleeping in her bouncer next to me as I rested on the couch. I stared at her in the same way I do today -- in true amazement of the gift she has been to us. At that moment, I remember beginning to get emotional (many of the reasons for this can be blamed on the hormones that were asking "uh...what the heck is going on with us, Mrs. Postnatal loonie?", but stick with me here). I became emotional because I realized how much I envied her innocence. How much I envied that she had no idea our nation was at war or how much we stressed about the cost of baby formula. Her world was so untainted -- until I told her "no, don't do that" for the first time. But as her precious ears come in contact with news that she doesn't or can't understand, how will I explain that to her? Because if God loves us and if God can't bear to see his children in pain, why then do the floods come? Why do the 9-11s happen? Why do the earthquakes hit? Why do the homeless starve? Why do the cancers attack?

As we explored Ruth Chapter 1 on Sunday, I was given my answer. God knew my questions and everything that I had run into this week. The truth is friends, we are not immune. God does not promise us that we will never experience darkness. But what He does promise us is that even in that darkness, He is working. You see, God never lets go of us. Ever. And when we are in the depths on despair or witnessing something we just cannot imagine that it's really possible, through that shock, through that grief, through that anger, through that denial -- God is working. And when we hear Him declare "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11) we can then begin to heal. Even through this darkness, there is light. I find myself wondering what on earth do people do, when they do not believe in a God, when they are faced with darkness? My God gets me through.

So now, I feel so much better prepared to answer Ava's difficult questions, as well as my own. We are not immune. But what will come out of these times of darkness? What will God lead us to do? How will we be changed forever? How will we make Him proud?

This past Sunday's message began with a video about a mother who has lost her son tragically one afternoon. He was at football practice, started feeling ill, went home from practice early to rest, and never woke up. He had a heart condition that had gone undiagnosed. In her grief, this woman became so angry and so bitter at God. She questioned His existence and she turned away. She confessed that some of the things she wrote in her journal were so horrible she was surprised God didn't strike her dead. But then, as the funds came together in her son's foundation, God led her to begin using that money to save child slaves in Africa. She has saved hundreds of children because of God's miraculous plan for her and her son. She once grieved so heavily in the midst of darkness, but has now been able to rejoice in the difference she has made in this messed up world. She spoke to us on Sunday and shared that she heard about a little boy in Africa who was enslaved. She told her husband "We need to go rescue him." And they did. Not long after that, who also heard about this little boy and wanted to rescue him? Oprah Winfrey. When Oprah found out, she was interested to know who got to him first. And now the story of God's work will soon be shared with the nation on her show. All because of this darkness that tragically and unexpectedly entered this woman's life one afternoon.

It's never a bad thing to be reminded of your blessings in life. Knowing that we aren't immune certainly makes us want to tell our family members that we love them, hug our children a little tighter when putting them to bed, not complain as much when we can't buy unnecessary things even though we really really want them. And through it all, we must praise Him and honor Him. Whether our times of darkness are brought on by a lost job or an ill family member, God is working in ways we can't even begin to understand. But some day we will. And He will breathe peace on us.

Thanks for reading.

I invite you to listen: http://www.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1275; click on 6/28.

Diving in....

Aye. I am be-HIND! Well, the birds have left the nest. The End.

Okay...there are more stories.

You know, as things happen throughout my days I make mental notes here and there. I think I have run out of mental sticky notes because everything sorta just blurs together. A month goes by and BAM! Now I have a Blog-buster to create (and the crowd breaks out in uncontrollable laughter...get it? Blogbuster...Blockbuster....Blog instead of Bl...yeah, you know it's funny).

Let's go in reverse since the most recent occasions are fresh on my mind. Or, I guess to segue into my first subject, I can say that my most recent occasion I can feel fresh on my gluts. Yesterday I participated in Stroller Strides for the first time. Holy, holy, holy...it was boot camp for stroller pushers. I think I left my rear end back at that park. It was fantASTic! I wish it wasn't so expensive or I would try it every day. Nothing like sweat dripping in your eyes as you are on your 3rd round of wall squats while singing "The Itsy Bitsy Spider." Ava thought is was great! I'm sure she was thinking, "Ha! Pay back time Momma! All those things you told me no about!" Anyway, it sure did beat running on the treadmill for an hour staring at the TV.

Keith and I just celebrated 5 years. FIVE YEARS, folks! I can't believe it. We have squeezed in so much into those 5 years. It has been glorious. For a long time we were trying to think of something really special for our 5 year anniversary. We love to travel so we really wanted to go somewhere. As you may remember, we were going to go on a Pacific Coast drive from San Diego all the way up to Napa (with a stop in L.A. so I could dazzle everyone on the Price is Right.) Yeah, well that Price was Wrong. It was going to cost us a brain to go. So then we shortened it down to a few days just in L.A. Yeah, we still had to GET there so it really didn't make it much cheaper. Then we thought Vegas. Well, then we might as well go to L.A. Then we thought San Antonio. Been there a ka-zillion times. We thought a cruise. Done that a ka-zillion times. Finally, we decided. Are you ready? Brace yourselves, brace yourselves. We went to Houston! As in the city we are both from. But I need to tell you something very profound. I FEEL like I went on a Pacific Coast Drive from San Diego to Napa with a stop at the Price is Right. Ava stayed with my parents (mind you, I have never been away from her for more than a couple of hours) and we spent 24 hours away. Now, although I felt like I was missing my right arm without her, I enjoyed every single second. Get this...we like ate when we like wanted to. We actually got coffee at the Galleria and walked around....EVERY FLOOR! We *gasp* went to a movie! And we stayed in an awesome hotel! Now it goes unsaid. I love my baby girl more than my life itself. BUT. I love my quiet time with my Hubby-of-five-years, too. And you better believe it -- Ava ate it up for all it was worth being with her Gigi and Poppy. She was an angel, of course. She went shopping and visited Gigi's work to say hi to her friends, ate an entire Sonic cheeseburger, and played on the playground...oh! It was heaven for her! And there was nothing better than coming home and having this precious child, dressed up in her new digs including, of course, ruffled socks, come running up to me screaming "Mommy!" *sigh* My family is just so precious to me.

Before I add pictures, here's an update of my little chatterbox's vocab...I cannot WAIT until she really starts talking (insert your "oh, just wait until"....here). She is going to be so crack-me-up funny.

Ava's new fave: "No." But it's more like a question...noooo? She hates getting her diaper changed so if I ask her if she has poo pooed, she will say...yeah. But then she realizes that she has just confessed meaning she will need to experience the horrible act of getting changed. So she catches herself. "Ava, did you poo poo?" "Yeah! Noooooo?" So yes and no are here everyday. Along those same lines...(*warning: more poo poo talk) to get her to agree to getting a new diaper, I now let her say bye to the contents of her diaper as they are flushed down the potty. She thinks that is GREAT! So, now, she says "Bye Bye Poo Poo..." Sweet, I know.

Ava "sings" her ABCs. She has the melody down almost perfectly. Almost all of the letters sound the same but she will get the ends of the phrases. So if you sang it with her, she will, with gusto, sing G, P, T, maybe Y, Z, and Me at the end. She is so proud of herself, too.

My vocabulary, on the other hand, has shrunken down a bit to "No, Ma'am," "You're so silly," "Give it to Mommy," and, of course, "Did you poo poo?"

And there you have it. A Bachelor and a Master's degree later...but I wouldn't trade this for anything.

Ava still loves her "Quack-quacks." Granna and Papa (formally "Granddaddy" and renamed by Ava, herself) took us to feed the ducks by their house. They were little monsters (the ducks, that is, not Granna and Papa)! Ava is crazy about her animals though! She fed them right into their mouths (until I got so nervous -- who me? -- that I showed her the park across the lake.)

Someone from my mom's group hostessed a playdate. Ava rode her very first horse, Jett. Yeah! I'm big time, folks! She did so well.

Aaaaaaaand then I found her 30 minutes later trying to talk to her new friend, Jett. I'm telling you...when she has her mind on something she does NOT forget.

Bathing Beauty.

Pudding Princess.
And now friends, notice the delicate use of the spoon. Notice the nice, tall posture. She is focused on eating as a mature and dignified 20 month old young lady. That's my girl. Perfect putting put-awayer.

It's okay Ava. I know you like to be clean. A little chocolate on the mouth is just fine. Keep your calm and enjoy your snack.

Aw geez.

Okay....gettin' a little creative now....

Touch Down!
That's my girl!

I just have to say that I am surprised these shots aren't blurry. I was laughing so hard I could barely see out of my one non-squinted camera eye. Her nose dive was complete with snorting and slurping. It was something special.

Five Years! Happy Anniversary, Keith! Thank you for this incredible adventure.

Thanks for reading.

Now...go nose dive into some chocolate pudding. It'll make you feel like a kid again.