Breathe Peace

This is one of those blog entries that I don't really know how to start. I have so much to say and then when I sit down, it seems every single one of those thoughts that I have gathered throughout the last few days just makes a mad dash out of my left ear lobe. I have been so overwhelmed with things going on around me this past week and my heart is filled heavily with so many thoughts. But let me first say this: I cannot even begin to imagine how I, being so small and so flawed, can be loved the way that God loves me. Many times I feel as though I don't deserve the grace and the unconditional forgiveness that He has shown me. I am surrounded by people who are in so much pain and who are struggling with things I couldn't even begin to imagine struggling with.

Attending church this past Sunday at IBC and listening to Pastor Andy's message, it was only natural to put myself in the tattered shoes of those who are grieving or who have grieved after facing tremendous loss or unwelcome challenge. And it allowed me to look at my own challenges the way that God wants me to.

We have unexplainable events of pointless terror that strike us as a nation. We have lost idols and heroes and Hollywood icons. We have all been saddened by loss, illness, or conflict in our own individual lives. In this past week alone I have, like everyone else, anticipated what I might hear next as I turn on the television. Earlier in the week, I learned that a friend's young sister-in-law was hospitalized after a stroke and was fighting against two blood clots in her lungs and one in her brain. The next day, I witnessed another friend reaching out for prayers as her dear friend grieved the loss of her husband to a freak diving accident. The next day after that, another friend's son learned that his 12 year old best friend was hospitalized after a tumor was found on his spine. On Sunday, I sat in church and heard our lead pastor announce that he for 8 days thought he may have cancer. Following that statement, he shared with us that one of our associate pastors just lost his beautiful and vibrant sister to cancer's rage. It has been all around me.

How can we explain this? How can I explain things like this to my daughter if I can't even explain it to myself? I remember when Ava was a little over a week old and she was sleeping in her bouncer next to me as I rested on the couch. I stared at her in the same way I do today -- in true amazement of the gift she has been to us. At that moment, I remember beginning to get emotional (many of the reasons for this can be blamed on the hormones that were asking "uh...what the heck is going on with us, Mrs. Postnatal loonie?", but stick with me here). I became emotional because I realized how much I envied her innocence. How much I envied that she had no idea our nation was at war or how much we stressed about the cost of baby formula. Her world was so untainted -- until I told her "no, don't do that" for the first time. But as her precious ears come in contact with news that she doesn't or can't understand, how will I explain that to her? Because if God loves us and if God can't bear to see his children in pain, why then do the floods come? Why do the 9-11s happen? Why do the earthquakes hit? Why do the homeless starve? Why do the cancers attack?

As we explored Ruth Chapter 1 on Sunday, I was given my answer. God knew my questions and everything that I had run into this week. The truth is friends, we are not immune. God does not promise us that we will never experience darkness. But what He does promise us is that even in that darkness, He is working. You see, God never lets go of us. Ever. And when we are in the depths on despair or witnessing something we just cannot imagine that it's really possible, through that shock, through that grief, through that anger, through that denial -- God is working. And when we hear Him declare "For I know the plans I have for you; plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" (Jeremiah 29:11) we can then begin to heal. Even through this darkness, there is light. I find myself wondering what on earth do people do, when they do not believe in a God, when they are faced with darkness? My God gets me through.

So now, I feel so much better prepared to answer Ava's difficult questions, as well as my own. We are not immune. But what will come out of these times of darkness? What will God lead us to do? How will we be changed forever? How will we make Him proud?

This past Sunday's message began with a video about a mother who has lost her son tragically one afternoon. He was at football practice, started feeling ill, went home from practice early to rest, and never woke up. He had a heart condition that had gone undiagnosed. In her grief, this woman became so angry and so bitter at God. She questioned His existence and she turned away. She confessed that some of the things she wrote in her journal were so horrible she was surprised God didn't strike her dead. But then, as the funds came together in her son's foundation, God led her to begin using that money to save child slaves in Africa. She has saved hundreds of children because of God's miraculous plan for her and her son. She once grieved so heavily in the midst of darkness, but has now been able to rejoice in the difference she has made in this messed up world. She spoke to us on Sunday and shared that she heard about a little boy in Africa who was enslaved. She told her husband "We need to go rescue him." And they did. Not long after that, who also heard about this little boy and wanted to rescue him? Oprah Winfrey. When Oprah found out, she was interested to know who got to him first. And now the story of God's work will soon be shared with the nation on her show. All because of this darkness that tragically and unexpectedly entered this woman's life one afternoon.

It's never a bad thing to be reminded of your blessings in life. Knowing that we aren't immune certainly makes us want to tell our family members that we love them, hug our children a little tighter when putting them to bed, not complain as much when we can't buy unnecessary things even though we really really want them. And through it all, we must praise Him and honor Him. Whether our times of darkness are brought on by a lost job or an ill family member, God is working in ways we can't even begin to understand. But some day we will. And He will breathe peace on us.

Thanks for reading.

I invite you to listen: http://www.irvingbible.org/index.php?id=1275; click on 6/28.